It has been another thought provoking visit to Downside, my fourth visit this year if I recall correctly. Much of this week involved me being in my room doing university work which needed doing. Fortunately, I have completed a good amount of work, so on that front things are looking well!
The weather was typically British: dull, cold and wet. I was able to go for a decent walk on the Sunday with one of the novices and had some fruitful conversation. Despite the fact monasteries are meant to be 'quiet' places, I think you tend to have some of the most meaningful conversations there which stay with you far beyond the cloister walls. These conversations enabled threads of prayer to develop, enriching the week long experience. I didn't really get involved with the 'manual work' this time a) because of the weather and b) I needed to get on with my work. I did manage to do quite a bit of spiritual reading and have been given a number of books to read before my next visit.
I am beginning to realise more and more the 'need' for silence and to a degree 'solitude', in my life. There are times one gasps at the thought at what God might be calling one too. Once you think you've overcome one anxiety, another tends to arise. This isn't a problem necessarily, it's the way one deals with it. If these moments and situations are used as a directive tool towards the Lord, then they are certainly worth enduring. As the 'battle' in my mind began to arise about how much silence and solitude one needs, I stumbled across this quote in 'The Silent Life' by my much loved spiritual writer, Thomas Merton:
"Not all men are called to be hermits, but all men need enough silence and solitude in their lives to enable the deep inner voice of their own true self to be heard at least occasionally."
'The deep inner voice of their own true self' - this stuck with me for at least the last few days of my stay. They linger with me still. I don't think many of us realise the NEED for silence in our lives. Yes, of course there are times where we might remark, 'Oh, it was good to have a bit of quiet' - but do we understand why? Why do we need it?
"My life is a listening, His is a speaking. My salvation is to hear and respond. For this, my life must be silent. Hence, my silence is my salvation." Merton in 'Thoughts in Solitude'.
Salvation...
In order to be saved we must recognise the presence of love, love in its essence. One can only realise love when one stops to think, even if it's for the briefest of moments. If that brief moment was then extended bit by bit so that it infected all aspects of our lives, then perhaps we would be more aware of the loving Spirit moving in our day to day living, and perhaps the world would be filled with more loving people.
A line I came across in one book puzzled me for a little while, so I asked the Novice Master and then I returned to my 'cell' and thought of a possible distinction. I read somewhere about 'being in the image of God' and 'being in the likeness of God'. My interpretation is that to be in the image of God (which we all are) is to be capable of love, and indeed worthy of love. To be in the 'likeness of God' is thus whether we imitate the love which is God. A person therefore who fails to love, fails to be what he was created for. There is nothing more depressing than seeing a person who cannot love, a person living and 'being' below their designed capacity (I think it's arguable whether one is 'being' if unable to love).
Love enables us, it is our 'petrol' or 'gas' (for you Americans!).
Caritas, charity, is a model form of love. I think 24k
Caritas is 'silent
Caritas'. Thus it is a form of love rooted in the silence of God and in the mission of the Gospel. What better sign of 'Silent
Caritas' (Latin translation anybody?) is there than the cross? Love silenced in the greatest act of charity man has ever encountered. The task of the monk is to live this. Indeed, in some way, it is what all the faithful are called to: live the cross.
"Into your hands Lord, I commend my spirit. You have redeemed us Lord, God of truth." Ps. 31:5
Benedicite.